A Trip Down Memory Lane

The exchanges below recently arrived by forwarded email and reminded me of a “performance” long-time Granger Laura Pratt and I did over a decade ago. We used a shorter version of this. I delivered the “My mother taught me…” and she replied with the quote. Those who knew Laura can probably hear her intonation and attest that her replies were very believable! So here’s to her memory and to your entertainment!

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

 My mother taught me RELIGION.

 “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

 My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

 My father taught me LOGIC.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

 My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”

 My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

 My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

 My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”

 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father!”

 My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

 My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

 My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

 My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

 My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

 My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.

 My father taught me about JUSTICE.

 “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Health Beat – September 2014

HeartDr. Lesley Fernow writes a column called “Senior Matters” for the Piscataquis Observer in Dover Foxcroft. Valley Grange is privileged to have permission to use her past columns for our  “Health Beat” Feature and for the information to be reposted to the Maine State Grange website. Address your questions or comments  to lmf@fernowmedicalhousecalls.com, 207-992-6822. Please note that information is general in nature and specific questions should be addressed to your health care professional.

Not everyone sees that retirement party the same way.  For some, retirement is a well-earned time for rest, for others it can represent a loss of purpose and can cause stress and depression.  Preparing for the next stage in life where your job is not what defines how you spend your time or who you are is important.

Most advice about retirement planning focuses on financial planning.  This is essential if the aging years are to be stress free, and is best started early in life.  Women, who generally earn less in their lifetime than men and live longer, are particularly vulnerable to financial problems as they age.  There are many excellent resources on financial planning, including columns in newspapers and books.

Retirement planning is about more than economics, however.  Many people feel a sense of loss of purpose, loneliness and depression after they stop work.  Since there are often more than twenty years of living left to do after stopping work, it is essential to reframe this phase of your life as an opportunity for continued growth, activity and development in new directions.   The following are tips to help you age well, remain vibrant, healthy and happy after the job years are over.

  1. Set a schedule. Avoid the temptation to sleep in or just see what comes to you as the day goes on.
  2. Identify new hobbies or interests: painting, learning an instrument or new language, reading, gardening.
  3. Consider taking a class to learn new skills or just to learn. This keeps the mind engaged.
  4. Exercise regularly. Try different things: yoga, dancing, swimming.  Mix it up, but do it daily if you can.
  5. Meet people. Maintain a social life.  Find new friends.  Join a club, a church.  Have coffee or go out to eat with people.  It’s important for mind and spirit.
  6. Travel to new places. Try travel and learn programs, or programs where you can travel and give back to a community by building a school or other community service.
  7. Volunteer your time. This not only is great for the community but it gives you a sense of value and purpose.
  8. Don’t feel you need to spend every minute with your spouse (or kids). They will thank you for it.
  9. Don’t count on your body working forever. Find activities that you will enjoy even if the body parts wear out.
  10. Turn off the TV! Monitor your habit of TV watching.  It can be addicting and contributes to boredom and depression.